Day 13: Looking Up

So this morning I was driving home from school--in a hurry as I needed to take the car home for Roy then rush back to the school to meet Tammy as we were going to lunch together. But as I flew down the hill and around the corner, I happened to look up. And for the first time since...well, I don't know when...I noticed the trees that are on the side of our house. And they were completely bare. Just stark trees, reaching up, exposed. In the flurry of that moment, it startled me back to reality--back to ... oh yeah. I haven't been too good at 'noticing' lately...I mean--how in the world are the trees completely barren of leaves and I didn't notice? Am I so focused on the inside that I forget to look around me? to look up?

So those trees? They made me stop...even if it was for just a moment...and remember how very much I love fall. And I don't want to miss it. I don't want to be so busy running and mulling and chasing that I forget to look around me and revel in it...forget to be still.

This afternoon I took Ricky and his friend Josue (the spelling of his name alludes me) to the mall so that Ricky could get his hair cut. So for that 90 minutes while I waited on them to 'do their thing,' I milled around Barnes & Noble. I just can't get enough of that store--so many books to relish! But before long, here they came--laughing and looking young and fresh as teenagers usually do. And in their hands they had a tray of coffees. Ricky picked up one of the cups, steaming hot, and handed it to me: "For you, Mrs. Seals." And I took it, thanked him profusely.

And the thoughtfulness of these two boys gave me so much joy...

...even though I hate coffee. :)

And then I was going to write about my study group this evening at Beth's house. Can I just say I love those ladies? I have been invited to an outing next week for a Taste of Home cooking school but I just can't miss our last session. Thursdays are always a special treat. But anyway...everybody is honest and genuine and encouraging. They are all my friends. We laugh--and cry. And when I leave, I feel affirmed. Every time. But tonight I told them that I am writing daily about things that bring me joy and, of course, they said, "Like what?" And typical me...I froze. I am just not a good 'on the fly' type person. I need time to think, to contemplate--even when the answers should be simple. So I stumbled through a response ... and then, naturally, when I got in my car I remembered things. Many things.

But I digress.

The point is...I loved the whole evening with so many people that I love. And that's what I wanted to write about.

And then the phone rang. And it was my nephew--Jared--wanting help with his essay. Just the sound of his voice filled my heart with joy. Lots of it.

Then after we hung up, a commercial came on that was hosted by values.com--'For a Better Life.' It has a country song about --when my life is over, will I have made a difference? And it shows a variety of scenes: a mom having a baby; a young couple getting married; a boy chasing a girl down the street, flowers in hand; an elderly couple sitting on a bed and he's gently stroking her face; a tombstone.

And for those few minutes that the commercial played, I was completely engrossed in the words, the scenes, that played out before me. Because truly--as most of us, I want to make a difference. I want my life to stand for something, to have meaning.

I want so much more than just the inside.

I want to look up.