Straight Lines and Clear Spaces

When I was packing up to move, I realized that I have a whole lot of lotions. Hand lotion, body creme, lighter lotions that smooth on quickly, heavier lotions that take longer to seep into your skin...if it's a lotion? Pretty much I had it.

Candles? Same story. I had a shelf crammed full of candles with every scent in the book. Some of them I had never lit--or barely lit as they were practically new.

My closet was crammed full of clothes that I might wear someday. You know, the green sweater that is out of date but really comfortable...that sort of thing.

Clearly I have bought into the mantra, more is better.

I chose to get rid of a lot of stuff this go-round. In fact, I was rather impressed with how little I moved in regards to stuff. I chose my favorite lotion and got rid of the rest. I pared down my closet to only the clothes that I have worn in the past year. I chose my favorite two candles and let the rest go.

I simplified.

I love straight lines and clear spaces. I am not a girl of clutter. I find it distracting, annoying. I can't focus when papers with uneven edges or an array of junk mail is on the counter.

This morning, Roy took off for his first day of work. I got up early--5:15--and made him breakfast before he headed out the door with his sonic cup filled to the brim with ice cold water. He got in the pickup and did his usual routine of straightening everything, making sure his ducks are in a row. I stood outside on the front step and watched him...and then I looked up at the sky. It was gray out--just before the sun peeked over the horizon, and gray clouds swirled up ahead.

"I wonder if it's going to rain..." I said out loud, but he probably didn't hear me as he busily prepared for his drive.

I felt kind of like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz when she looks outside at the impending storm...it kind of had that feeling in the air.

And then Roy drove away and, the wind whipping my hair, I came back inside to an empty house. And here I am--just me, my iPad, and 2 cats lazily lying on boxes and looking at me with disinterested eyes.

There are no straight lines and empty spaces in this rental. In fact, in front of me are rows of unopened boxes and furniture wrapped in plastic. We've lived this way now for about two weeks. It's like camping, only not nearly as fun.

This adventure has been like none other. It has been filled with unknowns and with anxiety and anticipation. And now that we are here, it has been worth every minute.

But last night? Last night I felt the impending storm swirling inside me, anxiety welling up. My brain was spinning with the all-consuming process of buying a house and all of the what-ifs that come with that. My work day was in overload mode as Rachel is leaving and I need to be a sponge, soaking in all of her knowledge before her last day on Friday. But my brain? Pretty much mush right now.

I am tired of the boxes. And yet...those boxes? They are a symbol that so much is just around the corner.

One month from today we will be (hopefully) in our new home and the boxes will be discarded.

One month from today I will better understand Razor's Edge (the database we use in the Advancement Office).

One month from today I will be one month closer to the life I choose.

And so, I am taking deep breaths. Each day is a stepping stone to the life I am envisioning.

Last April when my life was filled with chaos and I genuinely had no idea where we would land, I would think, "One year from today, I will have the answer." And that would calm my spirit, give me peace. Because, I may not know now...but I would know then...and that meant there is hope.

There's always hope.

And so, the clutter and scattered lines of my life are beginning to settle.

The gray clouds are breaking up.

Straight lines and clear spaces are just around the corner.