When Rain Crashes Down

The night before last, the crash of thunder in the middle of the night followed by a rushing downpour woke me up out of a dead sleep. Jace came running in: Mom!

It's okay--go back to bed. It's just a big storm.

But yesterday morning when I got up, I looked out my kitchen window and saw the canopy covering my porch twisted up, one side completely collapsed under a mangled mess of metal.

I love my porch with the canopy that brings shade during hot summer days. One of my favorite things is sitting outside in one of the rocking chairs while Roy grills burgers for lunch. Or  reading, my feet propped on a table, and listening to the birds as they call from the trees. In fact, when winter finally decided to retire for the year and Roy pulled out the canopy, I couldn't help but feel such a sense of excitement for days ahead underneath its shade all summer long.

So I'm thinking we are going to have to figure something out...but I'm not sure what yet. Mother's Day is just around the corner...

Yesterday we were delivered two huge boxes from Roy's brother Frank. One of those boxes had a frame that housed three photos together that Roy requested. It had a family picture when Roy was about five years old, a picture of Southmost Diesel, Roy's dad's business that stole Roy's childhood, and a picture of a truck. It is the coolest picture ever and as soon as we figure out where we want it, it's going up in our house. It looks so nostalgic, each member of the family smiling sweetly for the camera--the perfect family. And Roy is absolutely adorable--oh my goodness.

We've received lots of boxes lately, filled with all kinds of surprises that Frank mailed to us from their mom's home. He and his wife Barb are slowly going through everything, sorting and mailing and giving away and discarding. Some things they have sent are invaluable and make Roy laugh or smile, remembering.

We now have a homemade quilt that his grandmother made when the kids were little. It's a functional quilt, a silent reminder of the good ole' days. They sent us a set of plates that are delicate and elegant. And they also sent a single cup and saucer that doesn't match anything else in the box. I've wondered about that. Why? I'm not sure why that little cup and saucer didn't make the give away or discard pile. It's absolutely adorable and I would like a complete set of them. But a single set? I think I'm missing something.

And then there's this old iron. Back when Roy was little, his mom used to heat up that iron on a stove and then make grilled cheese with it. But as times changed, rather than discarding it, his mom used it as a doorstop and Roy claims he is surprised he even has a toe left, he jammed it on that iron so many times. When Madeline was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she called Roy and asked him if there was anything at all that he wanted.

That's such an awful question, Mom. I don't want anything, he said.

But she insisted, saying that she wanted to make sure that each of her kids got something that they could remember her by. She had some things of value that he could have asked for but, after careful consideration, he said, "Do you still have that iron you used as a doorstop that drove me crazy?"

And so, that iron is now ours. It lays upstairs by our bathroom door now, and I look at it every day. It is absolutely a relic of days gone by--an antique. But when I see it, I can't help but smile and picture that little boy with that mischievous grin in the picture that will soon hang on my wall--that little boy who grew up and stole my heart.

When these last boxes came in the mail yesterday, Roy carried them in and then said, I'm going out to work in the garage.

I looked at him, puzzled. "Aren't you going to stay and see what's inside?"

"I'm tired of memories."

Sometimes we have to take life in pieces. Sometimes we have to spend some time remembering, looking back and embracing the good. But when those memories crash and collide, creating a kaleidoscope of emotion exploding in our brains, we have to look forward to the future and know that good days are ahead. We have to dream and plan and focus on creating new memories that bring joy and goodness into our lives.

So that canopy that crashed down? I'm sad it's gone but...I'm getting a new one. I'm going to have my porch back and I'm going to spend some time this summer reading and talking to Roy while he bar-b-ques. I'm going to relax under its protection while thunder roars and rain crashes down around me.