The Rest of the Story

My very adorable nephew commented on my blog. Can I just say I am grinning from ear to ear that he even took the time to read it?

Wow! Makes my heart melt a little.

But his comment stated that we are all selfish by nature and when we do things for others, we are acting against our inherent nature.

There was a time in my life--probably most of my life actually--where I would have agreed with my adorable nephew about this. I would have said because of the fall in the garden of Eden we now have sinful tendencies and we are incapable of fighting those tendencies on our own. I would have said the world is filled with evil and one doesn't have to look too far to see that. I had a very narrow view, looked at life through binoculars that were tunnel-visioned. And no matter what you said to argue my philosophy, I wouldn't have believed it.

I was right; you were wrong.

But then some things happened in my life that made my world crash a bit. I'll spare the specifics of that story, but because of things I experienced, I had to rethink much of what I thought I knew.

And I am so grateful, so very very grateful, to be where I am now. It has made a world of difference in my life.

But over the course of this journey, I discovered EBT: Emotional Brain Training. My very dear friend Jacque introduced me to it when I was struggling terribly because of a relationship Savana was in with a boy I didn't approve of. Every time Jacque would call I would bemoan this relationship as it tore me apart. I desperately wanted to control my daughter, control her choices, control everything about that situation; and so I would talk about it and think about it and surmise and do all of those things that we parents do when we are highly concerned for our kids. So one time, Jacque said, "Let me do an exercise with you. I think it will help..." And so for the next twenty minutes, she walked me through a basic EBT exercise. And when we were done, I felt like a new person. I was free.

Of course, it didn't last very long. A couple of days later, the angst and worry settled back in and once again my mind was whirling and I was swirling down. And so, Jacque walked me through another EBT exercise to help me get to the root of my problem. And, of course, it was...

CONTROL.

All of my life I considered myself one of the least controlling people ever. I thought that I did a great job of letting people--even my closest loved ones--live their own lives, make their own choices, experience their own disappointments and struggles and joys. But as I talked to Jacque on the phone that second time, I realized that, in fact, I had a deep, inherent need to control. And I didn't just want to control Savana; I wanted to control Roy and Darian and Jace; I wanted to control my universe.

It was eye-opening; it was a game changer.

So Jacque sent me five kits on Emotional Brain Training and over the course of the next year I began to work through those kits--hungry for emotional well-being. They changed my life forever.

And here is what I learned: our brains are created for joy. We are created to think out of the prefrontal cortext of our brains. When we think out of that part of our brains, we experience love and joy and kindness. It's natural for us to be nice because we are so inherently happy.

But the problem is, we become stressed. We experience abuse from others who don't think from their prefrontal cortexes. And so life happens to us. We begin to think from lower parts of our brain; and the lower you go, the more desperate and frantic your thought patterns become. In fact, if you think from the base of your brain, you live in a constant state of panic. Or, if you think from the third part of your brain, you live in a constant state of chaos and anxiety and sadness. And the truth is, we all think from various parts of our brain all of the time due to stressors that happen in our lives. But once you recognize the brain states, you are able to work the program to bring your thinking back to a state of joy more often than not--even when you are hit with devastating circumstances.

Now I am certainly not saying that some people don't need medication. I absolutely believe in chemical imbalances and such; this isn't a cookie cutter solution. But for people who are basically healthy mentally, they are able to live out of the prefrontal cortexas of their brain which translates into a life of joy and kindness--not only for themselves but for others.

And then, to bring this one step further, I discovered tapping, a book written by a guy named Nick Ortner. Tapping builds on the same principle as EBT only it is a much faster solution. The principle of tapping is that our bodies experience a variety of emotions all of the time every day. But when we fail to deal with our emotions, they get "stuck" in our bodies and become stress. We become agiatated and worried, and then, when we fail to express our emotions appropriately and healthfully, they build up in our bodies and cause pain and sickness and anxiety.

And that's where tapping comes in. We have nine pressure points on our bodies. When we tap those pressure points in a rhythmic pattern and express those emotions that we are experiencing, it brings release. And after just one cycle of tapping, you feel an immediate difference. I watched a special that  was released recently on the benefits of tapping. They took nine individuals who were just regular every day people and brought them to a cabin for a four-day retreat. Over those four days, they taught them the art of tapping and helped them work through some of their issues: one struggled with her weight; one mourned the loss of the love of his life who was killed in a car wreck and he was the driver; one was struggling with cancer, etc. By the end of the four day session, each one of those people's lives were changed forever. They'd learned to deal with their emotions; they'd learned to think from their prefrontal cortexes.

They did a follow-up on them six months later, and their lives were still changed. Each one beamed with joy. It was incredible.

And so, my dear precious Jared whom I love so very much, I would have to agree with you that people are inherently selfish when they live from the center of their brains. They are so consumed with themselves that they don't have a choice. But if in fact they live from their prefrontal cortexes, as God designed for them to--in my opinion, they live lives of joy and happiness and kindness...simply because they are so happy themselves.

And for those who don't  know: Savana eventually did break up with that boyfriend I couldn't stand. And now she's dating the love of her life, she's happy as can be, and we're all so proud of her and adore this guy she's chosen.

And that's the rest of the story.

Your turn, Jare.