Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Marching On

Roy and I discovered a new green smoothie last night: peanut butter green smoothie. That sounds disgusting but...it was delicious. It tasted just like a peanut butter shake. Mmmm....

Yesterday was a crazy busy day. I start my new part-time job today and it has catapulted my life into overdrive at the school. Trying to get everything done in one day that normally takes me two is just a wee bit of impossible. I'm not sure how I'm going to pull this off. And now I have to pack a lunch two days each week. What am I going to take? A bowl of soup? A sandwich? Is there ice over there in the office?

And I just realized a minute ago that I forgot to grade for Sycamore last night. Sycamore Academy is an online homeschool program that my sisters own and I am the English/History teacher. Since the school is up for accreditation this spring, my sisters have all of these writing jobs they want me to do for them...and so I need to complete at least one task each evening.


I am behind. And I haven't even started yet.

I should be stressed off the charts. I should be biting my nails and sweating things a bit. But I'm really not. I've had four years of fairly stress free living so I'm ready for busy. I'm ready for juggling and to-do lists and schedules that burst. I am the most productive when I am swamped.

So other than a few frustrations regarding my school job...I'm good to go. Of course, after a week of this I just might be biting my nails and sweating things a LOT.

If I stop posting? You'll know why.

When we lived at Sunnydale I taught 9-12 English. I was the sole English teacher: 100 students every single day. And Jace was young and so I felt it was important that I was home by 3:30 when he got home from school so that I could have the evening with him. So my time in the office? It was a whole lot of productive. I didn't waste a second: planning and organizing and entering grades and grading and teaching and home for a quick lunch then off to do it again that afternoon. And then when I got home, we played house parents to 40 dorm boys. We had them in our living room at least once a week, and I would cook for them: celebrating birthdays or celebrating the end of the week or just celebrating. My living room was so small but we would all scrunch in there together--kids everywhere.

I loved every second of it. I probably could have been a dean's wife forever. So fun.

And so when we moved here, my life went from a whirlwind of crazy to ... a standstill. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. Rather than being in the midst of a dorm with kids everywhere, we now lived in a house up on a hill that was isolated from teenagehood. Before, I would look out my window to center campus and see 100 kids milling about. If I decided to sit out on my porch, inevitably kids would join me, laughing and filling me in on the details of their lives. But once we moved? Nobody knew me. It was just me at the front door, waving goodbye as Darian and Jace and Roy hustled out to meet their responsibilities, leaving me alone in a silent living room that echoed.

I struggled, desperate to be part and yet...

Of course, it's been four years now and I have adjusted just fine. I have zero desire to live in a dorm again. Those were great days and I am thankful for the memories and the friendships I gained over those fourteen years of deaning. But I'm done now. It's someone else's turn. I've adjusted to Friday nights of just us and quiet evenings that don't involve someone frantically knocking on our door. I'm quite content to live a quiet life in a house up on a hill that is set apart of the bustle of a campus.

But I am ready to be involved in something. I am ready to balance and accomplish. I love that feeling of job well done. I love productivity.

So though I am already behind the 8-ball, that's okay. I'll figure it out. I'll strategize my game plan and do whatever I need to do to get on top of things and stay there. At least for awhile...

And then in a week or two, I'll  say...

Give me my life back! I want quiet days on the couch watching Parenthood and eating popcorn! I want walls that echo and mornings that stretch before me like an endless highway! 

I want yesterday!...as time marches on towards tomorrow.

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