48 and Dreaming

On Friday, Savana got engaged. She and Guerin went on a hike up in the mountains and, once they were near the top and had stopped for a bit, Guer got down on one knee and asked her to be his bride. It was simple and sweet, minus all of the glam and flair of engagements these days as couples seem to be pulling out all of the stops. And yet, that moment was no less life-changing, heartfelt, sweet. It was perfect. And then, of course, they came home, bursting with smiles and hugs and excitement.

I can't say I was surprised as they have dated well over three years and they both graduate in May 2016. If I was surprised about anything, it was that it took this long to happen!

But their engagement has sparked a lot of reminiscing on Roy's and my part. Even last night we were discussing how so very young I was when I said I do. Engaged at 19 (yeah, soak that in for a minute), I well remember walking on clouds as the idea of sailing off into the sunset with this guy I had by my side sounded like nothing short of blissful. I was full of stars of and dreams and magic. But if a 19 year old came to me today and told me they were getting married and oh my word I am so excited and yay!!! for me?? Well, I would probably give them one of those patronizing smiles, and a pat on the back, and think to myself, "Oh, honey...you're so young. You don't know even know yourself yet, much less what you want in a partner!"

But it worked for me. We hit 28 years in August and so clearly we've managed to survive all of the daily grinds that marriage seems to bring. Four kids later, 7 places to call home, 3 dogs total, 6 cats, a closet jammed with photo albums, and a bulging shelf of journals chronicle our history. We've hit a rhythm as we know each other like the backs of our hands, working in unison without saying a word, reading each other's thoughts just because we know. There is a beauty in a relationship that has weathered the years and I'm grateful for what we have.

Sometimes I think about the fact that I am living my 19 year old self's dream. You know--how young girls fantasize of life as a wife, a mom, a career, a home? That life. I am the wife, the mom. I have a career, a home. But I'm not so sure that mine is a fantasy world as one dreams it will be. It's just a world, a normal day to day world filled with the normals of most lives. Because, really, that's just how life is for most of us. It's just regular living filled with some monumental moments that stand out...but typically, years can go by, blending into each other like sunrises and sunsets until they all seem the same.

On Sunday morning after all of the fanfare and congratulations were over from the news of their engagement, Savana and I hung on the couch in the living room and talked for quite some time. And Savana said, "I know I am engaged now, but I still feel the same. I don't feel any different."

And I couldn't help but laugh. "Yep," I said, "and that's how it will be when you get married too. You will still feel the same. You'll just feel like you with a piece of paper in your hand."

Because that's how life rolls. Sometimes I'm just that 19 year old girl looking forward and dreaming of how life is going to unfold...but when those dreams arrive, most likely? Well, most likely I'll still just be me--folding the laundry and painting my nails shades of red and wishing I had thicker hair with unruly curls and blogging about the good ole' days when I was 48 and dreaming.