Improving the World

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."

Anne Frank

I was listening to someone talk about service to others today. Every time I hear that, I think about how I should be volunteering at a homeless shelter or giving of my time in a manner that requires blood, sweat and tears for the benefit of others. And frankly? I don't really do that. So when I hear sermons or talks about how we should be serving people, I usually hang my head in shame.

But then he went on to explain how service to others can be random acts of kindness: opening the door for someone behind us, smiling at a stranger sitting across from us at a restaurant, giving our spot in line to the gentleman behind us at the grocery store, etc. And then I felt a little lighter because, well, I do those things sometimes. 

I was looking out my window today and noticed that evidently my dog has been too. It is filled with nose prints and licks and all kinds of his smudges so that I can barely see out. It makes the outside world barely visible--swirls of green and brown that blend into a whole lot of chaotic. And sometimes I think life is like that. Sometimes we put life into little boxes and see ourselves and others through these lens that are skewed. We forget that they too do random acts of kindness; we forget that we ourselves serve once in awhile. Life isn't all about black and white and right and wrong and principle and balance and Republican and Democrat. Everybody breathes; everybody struggles; everybody, hopefully, laughs sometimes. And so, since we're all human and we're all on this planet together, we need to give each other a break--and that includes ourselves--and just let go and live.

Last night my sister, my mom, 7 kids and I went to the gym to play "Piggy Wants a Signal", a game that our kids have played for years. The kids are growing up as the oldest are 21 now, but they were appeasing Jace as he was desperate to play, so off we went for three rounds in a gym that doesn't have too many hiding spots for his sake. Tami and I always hide together and then, once we're caught, never try to get off base, but at least we give it a go the first time. And we refuse to be "it". Of course, they never even ask us to be "it" so I guess it's a given, and that's perfectly fine. It must come with the territory of being token players. Anyway, so as we're playing Jace would run and hide and then as the "it" person is going around the gym searching for people, he would scream and yell, giving himself away. And he's eleven. Then once he was found and was on base, he would constantly run and try to hide again, louder than a rhinoceros, giving himself away every time--even though he didn't have a signal. "Jace!" I finally said, exasperated. "You can't run without a signal! And stop screaming all the time!" 

"Leave him alone," my sister said quietly. "We're here for him anyway. Let him play however he wants to play." She's kind of like that--she just wants the kids to have a good time. So Tami? She chose service. Me? Not so much.

And of course, Jace continued to scream and run and get out and get found...but no matter. He had fun. And he never played by the rules.

And though he drove me a little crazy, I'm glad he had fun.

So today? I want to remember to breathe a little easier. I want to remember to let go. The house doesn't always have to be picked up. Smudges on the window aren't that important (honestly, that apparently isn't too big of a deal in my house as there are smudges on my window more often than not); I want to choose random acts of kindness and not worry so much about the rules.

Today I will choose to improve the world.

Just a Little Longer

It's blustery outside. Everywhere is white and stark trees. Cold.

Inside I hear the ticking of the clock and the wind blowing and that is all. Quiet. My house is filled with my three kids and two nieces and a nephew and a husband and a brother-in-law and my mom. Yet it is quiet.

Beautiful.

But soon it will be filled with cries of I'm hungry and laughter and talking all at once and dishes clanging and cats meowing and cards shuffling and doors banging and that will be beautiful too.

I love Thanksgiving and the promise of everyone coming together for the holidays. We have so much fun when we all get together. (Of course, a piece of us is missing--my sister Lori and her two boys, Nicholas and Trevor. It's never quite the same without them here.) We've had quite the times together over the years.

I am the youngest of three girls: Lori is almost eights years older than me; Tami is five years older. I was the first married 26 years ago. However, shortly after I married, my sisters married and then we all had kids at the same time. Strangely enough, the kids were all born in rounds. Nicholas, Caleb and Savana were the first round--all born in 1991 and 1992; Trevor, Darian and Jared were the second round--all born in 1993 and 1994. The twins came along in 1997 and then tagalong Jace came along in 2002. So for awhile it was babies and babies and more babies. Lots of crying and fussing and fighting when we got together but gosh it was fun. Actually, it 's kind of a haze in my memory.

We have seemed to gather wherever we--as in Roy and I--lived as we've always lived on a boarding school campus in a dorm, so housing was easy. We could put everybody up in guest rooms for extended periods of time. It has made for great memories over the years. It's a bit unorthodox, I suppose. I mean--really--who gets to do that?? But at least once and often twice a year my kids have had the privilege of having their cousins come over for about a week and they've played "PiggyWants a Signal" by the hour and ran in the gym and ran in the dorm (when Roy wasn't looking) and laughed and stayed up til all hours of the night and had all kinds of fun.

We've gathered at my parents' homes in Oklahoma as well where they've invented banking games that involved an upstairs attic and tins filled with Grandma Donna's buttons or dared adventures for who can stand out in the snow the longest in bared feet; climbing adventures on bales of hay or riding Grandpa's four wheelers out in the field and sneaking Grandpa's candy and eating Grandma Jo's cooking.

My sisters and I have pretty much centered our world around the kids and that's okay because really that's just what we moms do. But we've had our own sort of fun as well--talking and talking and, well, talking. And we've thrown in some cooking for this big crew. My sister Lori is the main cook of the crew as everything she touches is magical in the cooking arena whereas Tami and I are more "just get 'er done" types of cooks. But we love our time together and it flies by so fast that before we know it...it's over.

So you can imagine how sad it was for me when I found out that Lori couldn't be here this time. She decided to spend Thanksgiving with my dad--long story. And then, another long story, Tami couldn't come until this evening. She is flying in tonight actually, so our time together is compromised. But I am looking forward to picking her up at the airport this evening. Then this big crew is going out to eat together at a restaurant that is as of yet undecided. I am sure it will so much fun--filled with lots of silliness and chatting and laughter.

Our time is waning. The kids are growing so quickly. The twins are now almost 17. The oldest ones are 21 and have some of them have serious dating prospects. Darian and Jared joke that they just might marry each other as they recognize the changing tide in our times together. It's a stark reminder that nothing lasts forever. Life is constantly changing--that ebb and flow that gently keeps things moving forward...moving forward...moving forward....

But oh how I wish I could just stop the hands of time and keep things just the way they are.

When everyone piled in Sunday night, Jace was sleeping and unaware of their arrival. But he realized it as soon as he got up Monday morning and saw Jared sleeping the couch. So there Jace stood in the living room, his eyes barely open, and he said, "Mom, how long until they leave?" I said, "They're leaving Saturday after church." And then he cried, "That's not nearly long enough! That's not even a week! Can't they stay longer, Mom? Please? Just a little longer?"

Fresh Eyes

I teach two sections of Freshman English in the afternoon. The first class has always been chattier than the second, a little sillier. When it comes time to get to work, I can depend on the second section to make it happen much faster. But yesterday I showed a video that brought up some deep ideas--things like we have so much to be grateful for and we really have nothing to complain about. The first section dove into the conversation, listening to one another and sharing together. It was insightful and inspiring and joyous to hear these 15 year olds think and discuss and listen.

But then I shared the exact same video to my second section--the one that is always on their game. As soon as the video started, one of the students in my class said, "Oh--I don't like her" and started looking around, refusing to acknowledge that possibly the things this person had to share went beyond her personality. A couple more students decided to draw and, though I'm sure they were listening, they weren't engaged. So when the video was over and it was it was time to share, the class had absolutely nothing to say.

A little bit later--still in the second section--I divided them into pairs and had them complete an activity over a story we read earlier in the week. Two girls in the back of the room busily slung their hair into each other's faces, giggling and giggling and giggling. "Are you two finished?" I asked. "Yep!" they confidently stated. I checked their paper.

They had barely started.

I sighed.

Some days are like that. Even in Australia.

But the thing is, when I think about these two sections, I always consider the second section the easy one, the compliant one. They are the section that lets me breathe a little easier, where I can let my guard down.

And all of that changed in an instant.

Sometimes life is like that. We meet people and we don't like them so much...and then we hear their story.

We really love certain foods...and then we hear how bad they are for us, and we never eat them again. (Okay...maybe this one doesn't work so much. But it was a good idea.)

We hear a new fact and it changes our opinion.

We see a picture of a hungry child and it spurs us into action.

We have a paradigm shift and see life through new eyes.

Life is all about perspective -- perspective that shifts and grows and stretches every day. Sometimes it's easy to become immersed in my own perspective, seeing life through these eyes that are 46 years old and a bit jaded. I have strong opinions (maybe everybody does??) and more often than not, believe in them wholeheartedly. Sometimes I voice them loudly; other times, I cling to them quietly, protectively--though nobody knows--while I simply nod and smile.

But the thing is, I want to be open minded. I want to see life through fresh eyes that are wide open to those around me so that, rather than instantly categorizing people or situations or beliefs, I take a moment to stop. I take a moment to think and see from their perspective, their eyes.

I used to be of the opinion that there was just one way to live life. I no longer believe that. And this new way of thinking? It has changed everything. It has opened my eyes to a whole new world--a world that is beautiful and fresh and alive.

And so on Monday when my first section walks through the door of the classroom...I will have new eyes: eyes that are open to their capabilities, to their depth, to their possibilities.

Today I want my life to reflect a welcoming presence--ready to accept those around me for who they are...to learn from them and grow with them.

Today I want my perspective to be wide open.

Family

I was listening to something this morning that asked the question, "What do you really want?" At first, I thought of so many material things: I want my own house; I want to go on a cruise; I want a new wardrobe; I want a fat bank account; I want a full-time job, for pity's sake; I want ... I want ... I want ...

But then the speaker asked that we go a little deeper and think about how the possessions that we want reflect a deeper desire. And so I did. And here is what I came up with:

I want a house that is large enough for a growing brood. I want it to be able to contain my kids and their spouses and my grandchildren comfortably within its walls. I want it to be on a little acreage so there is room for children to run and yell and chase and do children things. I want it to have a shop for Roy so that he has a place to tinker and fix and dream.

I want to go on a cruise with my kids because my time is waning. My girls are skirting the edges of adulthood and soon will embark on their own lives that are separate from mine. I want a week of pure relaxation and talking and joy that is completely our own, filled with pampering and "Did you see that?" and laughter and amazing food that I didn't have to cook and exploring and all things incredible. We've always been on a tight budget and never had the luxury of vacationing for a week with pure abandon. (I know that's selfish; seriously--so many many many in this world don't have enough to eat, much less have a vacation. But we're dreaming here so...) So before the girls are married and gone, I would love one last week of just us.

I want a full-time job so that I can alleviate some stress from my children's financial lives. And...so I can fulfill some of my own dreams.

And when I went a little deeper, I realized that the common denominator in my "wants" is, for the most part, family. I am so blessed to have the family that I have--both immediate and extended. I raised in a family where family was important; it was everything. I had the privilege of growing up with my grandparents living close by. My children had the blessing of growing up with aunts and uncles and cousins visiting on a regular basis. The Oklahoma countryside is a common denominator for all of us, and I am just so thankful for that.

This morning I watched a video that Savana posted on Facebook where Angelina Jole talked about how fortunate she is to have the blessings that she does when so many don't have food. She talked about the love and importance of family. Her words resonated deeply within my heart as this woman who is most likely a billionaire--whose face is familiar to probably most everyone  on this planet--talked about that thread of life that knits us all together and makes us not that different afterall.

So this little venture of exploring my wants? It made me realize how very blessed I am. I don't have all the material possessions that I want, I suppose--though I certainly have more than enough. But I am surrounded by people that I love. My family? We are our own brand of quirky and devoted and dysfunctional and funny. Sometimes we fight and annoy each other; sometimes we are filled to the brim with love and adulation; sometimes we just exist. But each of them--from my nephews and nieces and parents and sisters and brother-in-law and children and husband--is my own. And I wouldn't trade a single one. Not for the world.

Well, most of the time.

My Thankful November

It is almost Thanksgiving--that time of the year when we are given opportunity to stop and reflect on the fact that we have so much to be grateful for. So here's my 31 days of thankfulness list:

I am thankful for....
my family who brings me so many good, good things: Roy with his wit; Savana with her exuberance; Darian with her kind, accepting manner; Jace with his deep thoughts about life
crisp apples with caramel
a future that beckons
crackling fires
my iPad that I use way more than I should
such amazing friends that bring laughter and joy and empathy into my life: Dee who knows me like the back of her hand and Tammy who helps me solve all of life's problems and Raylene who is just so tender and precious and Estee Marie who has such depth and kindness and so many, many more--
the Internet
the upcoming holiday season which includes the Lewis fam and my mom travelling here in a week (can't wait)
my dad my dad my dad my dad my dad
Skype
my sisters whom I love so so so dearly: Lori who has such leadership and depth; Tami who is always game for a social event and has this way of just accepting anybody. If I was stranded on a deserted island with either of them, I would be content.
Barnes and Noble
my pets that live in the moment and enjoy life with no expectation
chai tea every morning
the mountains of North Carolina that leave me breathless
long motorcycle rides clinging to the Husband
Dr. Pepper every day--with a marachino cherry on top
deep soulful conversations that leave me aching for more about who God is
early morning or late night talks with Roy where we reach deep and are just so thankful we have each other
my oh-so-adorable mother who loves her her kids so much
my fish tank
teenagers--all of them--because they bring laughter and exasperation, sometimes at the same time, yet they never fail to remind me of what sheer potential looks like
Facebook which has given me the gift of staying in touch with so many, many people whom I have had the blessing of getting to know in my lifetime
comfort foods such as cheesy, saucy lasagna and enchiladas and mac & cheese and chips & salsa...Oh my goodness. This list could go forever.
early morning hours when it is just me
bubble baths on Friday nights when an entire weekend looms before me, brighter than the sun
family dinners around the table, filled with laughter and conversation
a good book that I wish would never end
that perfect pair of jeans and worn tshirt that I could wear every single day

life -- and the knowledge that it's whatever I choose to make it.

Media Alert

A couple of days ago, Jace asked me if it was true that media caused him to lose brain cells. I said--Absolutely!--as this was the perfect moment to manipulate him into realizing that he needs more creativity in his life. I giggled to myself as he spent the rest of the evening playing. He chased Piper; he danced and jumped; he read and drew, creating cartoons that involve violence and smashing (but they are genuinely clever). He steered clear of the computer.

The next day (yesterday) Jace came home from school and informed me that both he and Josh (his good buddy) are worried about how many brain cells they have destroyed from all of their media expeditions. These two boys spend hours on the computer together. They put each other on speaker phone and then play an online game--yelling and laughing and taunting and all kinds of boy stuff. It's hysterical--and sometimes annoying as Jace can be so loud that I can't hear myself think.

So when Jace told me his lack of brain cell concerns, I shrugged and said, "Yeah, that's a legitimate concern. You may want to try to build some brain cells by doing activities that involve creativity." And so I watched him spend the evening trying to balance media with other things.

I wonder how long I can keep this gig going. (You can thank me later, Erin.)

Media Alert (cell phone exercise app + music): Yesterday I took a walk down Holcombe Cove Road for the first time in far too long. My lack of exercise recently was evidenced by the embarrassingly slow pace I "maintained" up that hill, listening to Taylor Swift bemoan her latest lost love. The air was crisp and I felt so alive...until a lady about my age passed me up, jogging with determination and purpose. And then I didn't feel so alive. I cursed her in my head for being so fit and having legs of a 20 year old. But of course--that's a different story.

Media Alert: I also skyped with Dee for at least an hour. Dee has been my friend for forever and when we talk, it's like comin' home. She knows me well and I am so thankful that no matter the crisis or joy, she is there with a listening ear and just the right words.

Media Alert: I perused facebook some though I didn't post. It drives me a little crazy honestly--sometimes I wish I had the discipline to completely delete it from my life. But evidently I would miss those Candy Crush invitations and teenage woes and "selfies" that seem to "blow up" my newsfeed as I still check it multiple times each day.

Media Alert: Once dinner was complete and dishes done, I nestled down for some time with my iPad. I played a really ridiculous game for a bit; I did some online research on what happened to Jan from The Brady Bunch (she and "Marcia" are engaged in a very long feud that was instigated from an allusion to a lesbian affair in a book "Marcia" wrote years ago and they haven't spoken since; in fact, this feud gets in the way of any Brady Brunch reunions. It's amazing the things one can learn online).

So basically while Jace fervently drew his cartoons and I snickered, I am wondering how many braincells I lost today.

Well done, Vonda. Well done.

Night Sky

Last night Jace flung open the door, looked up at the night sky and exclaimed, "Mom! Come look!" And so I did. It was pitch black outside but as I peered up into the darkness I noticed swirling white clouds with brilliant stars glimmering. It was stunning.

Sometimes my day to day thoughts and experiences and conversations and struggles cause me forget that this world is so much bigger than me. It's so easy to focus on myself and forget that, ultimately, I'm just a little person in a big big place. I have hopes and irritations and dreams and failures and worries and joy and regrets and ... well, so many many things. Just like everyone else.

But when I stop loading the dishwasher or worrying about the future or hustling everyone out the door or ... whatever it is I am doing...when I really stop, look up at the sky that reflects the fingerprint of God, I am jolted back to that place of knowing that, in the end, everything is going to be okay.