Hope

I am so excited about today.

It's Sunday and so many good things are before me. We are making a huge breakfast--breakfast burritos--and then sending Jace off to a Pathfinder outing regarding Derby races with homemade cars.

And then? Roy and I are going on a bonafide DATE! Ah. I love going on dates.

We're going to see a movie (though we aren't sure yet which one) and if the weather cooperates, we may throw in a motorcycle ride. And that's all good stuff. But last night I was talking to a young girl and she is going through something that is painful--that hurts her heart. It all has to do with dreams and plans and hopes...and then helplessly watching them crash down. When you're in the midst of all of that drama, it is excruciating.

It hurts to breathe.

We've all been there a time or two--those moments where you're just not sure how you're going to put one foot in front of the other. Those moments when you doubt yourself and wonder if you're destined for a life of misery. Those moments where you wonder if you're worthy of love.

But this girl? She is flat-out amazing. I wish she could see what I see, or what I know others see, when they look at her. She is filled with self-doubt which, in my opinion, is comical. What's there to doubt? I know that, if she just keeps moving forward, life will fall into place for her in astounding ways.

Yesterday Jace and I went to SonRise kitchen and helped out. SonRise kitchen is a nonprofit organization established by some people in our church that feeds the homeless every Saturday morning. It's quite an impressive venture as they don't serve the homeless in a typical line up and get your food then sit down at a table type fashion. Rather, people serve as waiters and take the orders of the patrons--then serve them. Other volunteers bring juice and coffee so that these people who are used to being treated as the dregs of society have a few moments of living like the rest of us. More than once I held back the tears as I watched these sweet people, so gracious and thankful, say thank you. I'm not used to being waited on.

But one particular guy was overcome with a grateful heart. Every morning when SonRise opens, Tricia, one of the founding people, reads a devotion from Jesus Lives. Initially she read it for the volunteers but eventually it turned into a devotion for everybody who happened to be in the room at the time--and now the regulars look forward to it. So this one particular guy (who is not a regular, I might add) took the book out of Tricia's hands and began to read over the microphone. And then he talked about a God who has his back. He talked about how we don't need to worry where we're going to lay our heads at night; we don't need to worry if we're going to have another meal.

He talked from experience about blessings he enjoys each day and the peace of knowing that his life is in the hands of a Being much greater and bigger than he is.

And as he talked, I shook my head in wonder. Because when I look at this guy, I feel so sad for him. Clearly he doesn't have clean clothes or the bounties of life that I experience. His life is my greatest nightmare. And yet...he finds beauty.

So as I considered his words, I was reminded of a conversation Darian and I had recently about who God is. I don't know how to make sense of so much havoc that is endured in this world. Why are some of us born into middle class America while others are born into starvation and poverty? Why are young girls and boys allowed to be sold into prostitution at the tender age of 12...and sometimes younger? Why are helpless babies allowed to suffer unspeakable acts? The list goes on--horrors that, if we allowed them to, would keep us up at night. We like to think we have the answers to these questions as I too have been involved in discussions where we blame a sinful world for the atrocities that others suffer.

But sometimes that's not enough. When it becomes personal? It's not enough.

And so...Darian and I were discussing recently how God's job is to always move us forward. It seems apparent that He doesn't control where we are born or all of the circumstances of our lives. But somehow, despite where we are in life, there are subtle shifts in guidance. Hope remains. Hope keeps us moving one step at a time...

And that hope? That's God.

All of us can look back at our lives and remember heartaches that we cursed at the time. We wished for something different, we begged for relief. But when we manage to climb that brutal mountain and get on the other side, we look back and realize that the pain we experienced gave us depth. It gave us wisdom and compassion. It gave us understanding.

And so, sweet girl who I know is hurting today, you just hold on. Because I promise you that...

 the sun will keep rising and setting.
Life will change in shades and ...
someday you'll look back and smile at this momentary heartbreak.

And you will know in the depths of your heart that God was just --
moving you forward,
in subtle shifts,
day by day,
until...

finally--

you are free...

basking in the life of your dreams.