What I Wish I'd Said

This morning, our Advancement team met at Olivia’s to celebrate Lindsay’s last day in the office. Lindsay joined our team this summer as an intern but now she is heading to Walla Walla University in Washington to get her master’s degree. She is riding off into the sunset this next week to pursue her dreams. I’ll miss my summer office buddy as she was directly next door to me for the entire summer. It was a fun gig.

When I walked into Olivia’s with Tami, my boss, we immediately saw Dean — who used to work with us as the Development Director in our office. And so, as Dean likes to shoot the breeze with all of us — and we love to harass him as well — he immediately joined us at our table. Shortly thereafter, Missy came in, completing our group.

Now let me just say, Missy, Dean and Tami have only lived in Texas for about a year. Prior to their cross-country moves, Tami heralded from Michigan (where she lived for the past 27 years) and Missy and Dean both came from Virginia. As one can imagine, Texas is a monumental change for the three of them: the terrain, the seasons, the culture, the restaurants, the people — everything.

So it has been a rough ride. I understand. When we moved to Texas 12 years ago, I experienced that culture shock. It’s one of the main reasons we only lasted a year. We moved here from Wisconsin at that point in time — and we’d spent ten years in Wisconsin. I loved the freshly manicured lawns, the deep green grass, the waving cornfields, and the pristine dairy farms that dotted the plains. Texas seemed desolate in comparison.

And I struggled.

But this time around…well, I knew what I was signing up for. And so, Roy and I made the conscious decision to embrace it. Come what may, Texas is going to be our home. As a result, I haven’t been affected by the big and the bold that seems to characterize Texans. The heat of summer doesn’t make me recoil. Twelve years ago I rolled my eyes in disgust. Today I don’t even notice. And if I do, I shrug.

Perspective makes all the difference.

So as we all sat around the table for breakfast this morning, Dean, Tami and Missy discussed what a difficult transition this has been—and still is. After a bit of time, Dean looked at me and asked, “So what about you, Vonda? You’ve moved here recently as well. How are you handling it?”

And I stammered. It took me by surprise. Since I am not quick on my feet, I just said what immediately came to mind: I love Texas actually. I am happy here. 

My statement stuck out like a sore thumb—like a slap, really.

And though that’s true — 100% true — I wish I hadn’t said it quite like that. I wish I had been more sensitive to their pain. Because I deeply get their pain. I’ve been there. 

I know.

But I also know the difference one’s mindset makes. And so, what do I wish I said? Well…I wish I said this:

I love hanging out on my back porch in the evenings when the sun is just beginning to settle below the horizon and it paints the sky with fire.

I love driving down the road and seeing endless fields and blue sky as far as the eye can see.

I love stepping every weekday morning into our Advancement office that has become my home away from home and where my co-workers have become some of my best friends.

I love that my son is in a small public school where he is treated with kindness and where standards are upheld.

I love that Texans are proud to be Texan; that my home too will someday reflect the glory of Texas: a Texas flag on our shed door, a windmill lazily spinning in our front yard, cactus in the front yard flowerbeds.

Those are just a few things I should have said. I could go on…

But here’s the thing: I have learned that life is too short for misery. Life flows better when we embrace rather than push against. And if we can’t embrace, we should find a new home so that we can. 

I have learned to pursue my own happiness with a dogged determination — that my life is my responsibility, nobody else’s.

And I have learned to be grateful. That small word packs a powerful punch and when we begin and end our days with it…well, we are filled up.

All the way to the brim.