Following the North Star

I've always been amazed by the stars. During my high school years, I worked at Wewoka Woods--a summer camp in Oklahoma--and many nights I walked out to the lake's dam and lay down on the grass, staring up at the stars. They inspired me, reminded me of how small and insignificant I really am, and gave me confidence in a Presence far greater than myself.

Oklahoma skies are endless and clear and one can see stars in all directions for as far as the eye can see. I remember some times that people would point out the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, the North Star. I found it more confusing than not, as stars glittered the open sky and I had a hard time making sense of anything. Eventually, I actually did figure out the Little Dipper--or maybe it was the Big Dipper? Regardless, I can still find it if the night sky is clear. Impressive, I know.

But the North Star? That one alludes me. Several stars shine brightly and I have quite a time figuring out exactly which one is truly...you know...the North one. It's clear that if I were lost out in the wild blue yonder and my survival depended on my ability to find the North Star and follow it home, well...it might not end well.

Jacque (my friend from California--even though the word Friend just doesn't do it justice) and I were recently talking about values. What is the One Value we hold most sacred in our lives, that without it I wouldn't be me, a value that encompasses my very being--my North Star. We started with a list of values and in order to narrow it down I began by circling the values that I believed in. You know --

Faith
Family
Gratitude
Compassion
Generosity
Authenticity
Wholehearted
Courage

And so many many more. I circled to my heart's content. I believed in ALL of those values! Of course I stand for faith family and gratitude and the list continues. Those are ME!

But the next step? Figuring out how those values play out in your life. Do I believe in them? Or do I encompass them. Do my actions and my words live them.

And that, my friend, is a whole other story.

That is where the rubber meets the road.

Suddenly some of my circled values were merely circled. When it comes to actions to portray those values?

I got nothin'.

I wrestled with this for quite some time. It consumed my thoughts, made me stop and take notice of my life.

This isn't a story I intended to put on a public blog but it perfectly explains what I am talking about. After more sleepless nights than I can count, Roy and I made the heartrending decision to switch Jace to a public school: Enka Middle. It is a long story and I will spare the details. But I will say, it was a huge change for Jace's life.

Jace began his schooling career in a tiny little school in Missouri. If memory serves me correctly, they had a total of 18 students--maybe 21. Anyway, we moved here as Jace went into 2nd grade and this little school on our campus seemed quite large in comparison as they boast around 60 students. So my point is, Jace only knows one classroom, one teacher at a time (for the most part), 3 boys in his class to call friends. His world has been limited, narrow.

Enka Middle boasts around 300 students in the 7th grade and 900 students in the entire middle school. Each class has its own teacher; students have lockers; hallways swarm. It's like moving to a whole new planet.

Once we made the decision to switch Jace to a different school, his eyes were straight ahead. He never wavered--not once. That first day, probably the scariest of his life, he determinedly threw that backpack over his shoulder and walked out the door, wordless, face set. Roy drove him to school, walked into the main office, and watched Jace leave, Roy's heart in his throat as he drove home.

In order for Jace to switch schools, he has to take the bus. He is the last pickup on the way to school and the first drop off on the way home so it's not too terrible. However, we intended to give him that first week before he had to ride it. Day 2? Jace was on the bus. He wanted to experience it, to see what he had to face, to get it behind him.

My son? He embodies courage. In the words of my dad, he takes the bull by the horns and he does it.

As I wrestled with Jacque that evening on the phone regarding my own North Star, I finally came to grips with who I am at my core. It was freeing and I realized in that moment, that so many values come together through a single one. That when your North Star lights the way, it brings vision, purpose, power. It defines what I stand for.

I am following my North Star. I may get lost sometimes. I may lose sight and wander in the middle of nowhere for awhile...but that's okay. That's how life rolls.

When I remember who I am and what I am about, my North Star will lead me home.