Let It Be

I am angry this morning. I went to bed angry last night, thinking it's possible the feelings would abate by morning and I would resign myself to acceptance. But, I woke up with thoughts swirling in my head, dark and gloomy and repetitive. Argumentative words. Questions. Frustrations.

My anger has nothing to do with my family and everything to do with something that is entirely outside of my control. But it affects me deeply, and though I may rage against it...well, it is what it is.

We've all had those times in our lives when we have to breathe the phrase Help me to accept the things I cannot change. When we hold on by a thread. When our fingernails are dirt-filled from clawing our way out. And somehow, we always manage to get to the other side. We may be broken, battered...but we survive.

When I got out of bed today and crept downstairs and into the living room with my cup of chai, I opened Facebook. It's my typical routine even though I usually wish it wasn't. Anyway, there on my newsfeed was a video of two young kids playing the cello and violin. I clicked on it and the tune of Let It Be filled the air. Instantly I heaved a sigh as I listened, watched these two kids joyfully play a song that reminds me that there are times in life when I simply have to let go and let it be.

I have a choice: bitterness or quiet acceptance.

In about 7 weeks Roy and I and my extended family are gathering together in a condo on Cinnamon Beach on the eastern side of Florida. We already have too many things planned in my opinion--Disney World and Kennedy Space Center, and the list continues. But the truth is, I am most looking forward to playing games with my entire family circled around a table, laughing until our sides hurt. I can't wait to walk the beach, the sand squished between my toes as the sun rises in the distance and the water splashes lazily onto the beach. I am most looking forward to quiet conversations filled with the mysteries of life and hopes and dreams and questions that have no answers. When I daydream about Florida? Those are the things I can't wait for.

Life is all about choice. I can beat against things I cannot control, my fists bloodied and raw. But ultimately I can't fight it and I won't win. I will be robbed of the very things that make life worth living.

I am still angry. It will take some time before the anger abates and I am once again filled with peace and quietude. Sometimes it is a process for me...but eventually it will all be a distant memory because that is how life works. We conquer one mountain and then another rises before us. And sometimes we encounter a range of mountains. But thankfully there are mountaintops where one can see the wonder spread out like a banquet below and throw up one's hands in victory. And thankfully there are downhill slopes and valleys filled with luscious grass and trilling birds and the hope of a brand new day.

Sometimes, when the thoughts swirl and the rage envelopes my heart, I just have to close my eyes and let that song roll in my mind as I listen to the words that ultimately bring peace and victory:

Let it be....let it be....let it be....let it be....there will be an answer....let it be....