Remember Who You Are

We all have chains:

Religion

Family ties

Traditions

Beliefs

The list continues.

For many of us, we are born into certain chains. It could be that our family expects us to continue the religious practices that have been part of the family heritage. Or it could be that we are expected to marry within our culture, or our race…

And then there are the chains of relationships. We may be emotionally chained to people who don’t challenge us to be our best selves, or who keep us crippled and small.

We may be chained by fundamentalism…by our political affiliations…by our views on sexuality.

We may be chained in ways we don’t even recognize.

I discovered this concept of chains about six years ago. Now I will say, just because I discovered this concept does not mean I wasn’t bound. Quite the opposite actually. Six years ago I began a quest to rip off the chains and I have never looked back.

As a result of this, my parenting of Jace has been radically different from what the girls experienced. And it shows…sometimes in beautiful ways…sometimes in ways that make me shake my head a bit.

But that’s okay. Jace has a kind heart and in my opinion, that’s what matters most.

On Sunday, Roy and I drove Jace to the Dallas Love Field Airport where he flew to summer camp at Nosoca Pines Ranch – a small camp nestled in the woods of South Carolina. He was filled with nervous anticipation at the reality of flying alone: Tell me again how I find my luggage? Who is meeting me there? How do I know he’ll be there?

When Jace is anxious, the questions fly like bullets, repetitively. But I patiently answered over and over: Just follow the signs for Baggage Claim; if you’re confused, ask someone! DJ will meet you there…you’re going to be just fine, Jace.

Jace has attended this camp since he was 8 years old and it’s one of the highlights of his year. He eagerly looks forward to the next summer with anticipation from the first day back home once his fun-filled week is over. But this will most likely be his last summer to enjoy camp as a camper. So, in order to make the most of it, and get the most out of his plane ticket, he is there for two weeks of specialty camps: water sports and basketball.

As I hugged Jace goodbye one final time, just before he entered that long hallway that leads to the entrance of the plane, I whispered in his ear: Remember who you are.

Because Jace is 15 (as of next Sunday).

Because 15 year olds often forget who they are as their brains quit working quite a lot.

I know. I taught them for over 20 years.

But I also know that when you dive in deep, when you unmask the silliness and the off the cuff comments, kind hearts and deep thoughts emerge. And that, my friends, is what kept me in the classroom for many years – the unveiling of kids’ true selves: selves that are kind and compassionate with budding dreams just on the horizon.

Sometimes, we work hard to keep our teenagers in chains. We are anxious for them to adopt our ways, to be molded in our traditions. But teens don’t like chains. They, by nature, fight against them and question their logic. As a result, teens develop quite a reputation for their headstrong, ruthless ways.

But now that I’m a tad bit older, and hopefully a hair bit wiser, I embrace these questions. My philosophy is, please ask. Research and study and figure it out for yourself. Get to know yourself and learn what you believe in, where your passions lie, who you want to be.

Because in the end? That’s all that matters.

Yesterday I talked to Jacque for a bit. She is a teacher so she’s a bit freer these days as she’s on summer break. Our conversation drifted a million directions, as it always does. And somewhere in there, she shared this quote, penned by the late Psalm Isadora:

“The people making you feel guilty for going your own way and choosing your own life are simply saying, ‘Look at me. I’m better than you because my chains are bigger.’ It takes courage to break those chains and define your own life.”

I know that I am still bound by chains. We all are. It’s part of being human. But I am wise enough now to embrace the questions, to recognize that sometimes we don’t have answers, that being kind and living with compassion creates our best lives.

Sometimes, like everyone else in this world, I need the gentle reminder:

Just remember who you are.