Putting on a Good Face

Darian flew home Saturday night. Savana was on her way home from a week at the beach with Guerin's family and they swung by the Greenville airport on their way back so they could drop Savana off. We met her there shortly after the drop-off so that the three of us (as Jace was gone to Wisconsin at the time) could pick up Darian together. After 12 weeks of separation, seeing Darian's face come around that corner was a whole lot of good for my heart. Oh how I have missed my girl.

By the time we collected her and her luggage, and loaded us all in the car, it was getting rather late...but we had to do that Seals thing: go out to eat. Olive Garden was Darian's restaurant of choice and so we  plugged it into the GPS and headed that way. Our car was alive with questions and chatter and laughter. By the time we got home that night, it was almost 11:00 and we all fell into bed.

Sunday was a whirlwind of unpacking Darian's hefty suitcases, doing umpteen loads of laundry and re-packing for Southern as Darian was heading out early the next morning. Savana started grad school the next day as well so she, of course, had her own mile-long to-do list as well. Roy spent the day at registration at MPA so he was in and out...but mainly out...and so the day was a whole lot of crazy.

That evening as the sun was going down and darkness was just beginning to flood our campus, I took Piper outside to play ball. Darian, of course, joined me and so we sat out on the swing that overlooks the hill in our front yard. "Here, Mom. Let me throw the ball," she said. We have this little gadget for throwing the ball for Piper that catapults the ball quite a distance and you don't have to touch it. That's a really nice feature as Piper loves to chomp on the ball and get it really gooey. Touching it is kind of gross. And so, I handed her the gadget and said, "Don't throw it out into the street. Throw it behind us."

She threw it out into the street.

And so, I tried to take it from her. "Here, let me have it."

"No. I'm going to try again."

And so when Piper brought the ball back, she once again threw it....out into the street.

And so I wrestled the gadget out of her hands and threw the ball and talked away about everything and nothing. While we were talking, we could hear the roar of laughter and Louie Parra's voice on the microphone from the gym just below us. Clearly, those kids were having a great first night at MPA. And then suddenly two people catapulted out the gym door. They were walking fast; her head was down, her long coat whipping up behind her as the wind caught it in her haste. They walked to their vehicle, neither saying a word, got in and sped off like a bolt of lightning.

Are they angry?

Darian and I both stopped talking, watching, as these two captured our attention. As they drove past our house, we got a better look at their faces, so intense, brows furrowed, staring straight ahead.

Obviously, I have no idea what the deal was; I can only guess. I don't even know who they are, much less the thoughts that were running through their heads. But their faces told a story and if my gut reaction was right, it wasn't a happy one. Most likely, had they known we were watching from afar, they would have masked things a bit; or maybe not...Maybe their thoughts were too intense andthey simply   wouldn't have cared who noticed.

I've been there...a few too many times.

I remember one time we went to Walmart and Roy said something that annoyed me. I have no idea what it was now but at the time, I could have killed him. And so, as we are checking out, I'm growling at him and letting him know in no uncertain terms that I. Am. Annoyed. He said People can hear you. I said, through gritted teeth, I don't care. And then I hastily paid, pasted on a smile for the cashier and told her Thanks though I really didn't mean it as I was so angry and I couldn't believe he said that Why in the world would he say that? He is unbelievable! I am so mad right now! all the way out to the car.

No doubt people did a double take: Wow! What is wrong with Her??

And then when I got to the car, had a minute to simmer a bit, I felt only shame. What an idiot I am.

Those people who saw me for the first and last time of their lives? They saw only anger and frustration and fire.

Sometimes life just gets the best of us. Sometimes we forget what we look like on the other side of us. And sometimes, sadly, the other side? It just isn't very pretty.

Monday morning I left for work about 7:10. I hugged Savana goodbye. Have a great first day, Honey. I hugged Jace goodbye. Your first day of school! I hope it's a whole lot of wonderful. And then I hugged Darian: Hello goodbye, Girlie. Can't wait to see you in two weeks!

I hid dark, swirling thoughts behind a smile pasted on my face so they wouldn't know. I sent them off with hugs and words of cheer to chase their dreams and live their lives. And then I headed out the door towards mine.