Living Greatly

Some days I envision greatness.

I have always been a dreamer, living more in my head than outside of it. Lazy days filled with a cup of steaming tea, a journal, a dog-eared book, and lounging pants spell perfection in my mind. Though I am married to a man who loves nothing more than being "on the go", I am quite the opposite. I could settle down in my living room for days on end, never seeing a soul, and be perfectly content.

I think I have my grandparents' blood. My grandfather on my dad's side loved home. Grandma always complained about it, sneering that she never got to leave the house because Donnie wouldn't go anywhere. But the truth was, when opportunity knocked and Grandma had the chance to go? She chose to stay. So really, she just liked blaming her love for "staying put" on Grandpa when the truth was, she was just as content as he.

When I was a young girl, I dreamed of being a famous author, or a singer on a stage with bright lights and a swooning crowd. (Other than carrying a key, I can't sing. It was just a dream.) Some days I dreamed of being an actress or maybe a famous basketball player as I knew my dad would burst with pride.

Clearly those were all just pipe dreams because, well, here I am and last I knew, nobody was knocking at my door and begging for my autograph.

Fame is the dream of youth. Jace often talks about being a famous you-tuber, getting over a million likes on his creations, and having the world fall at his feet in admiration. I tell him frequently that in order for that to happen, he needs to start creating videos...

But my vision of greatness really doesn't involve fame.

Sometimes I still ask myself, What do I want out of life? What are my goals? my ambitions?

And that's where the "greatness" comes in. Because I have to remind myself that true greatness is in the little things.

I think I am done going to school. At 48 years old, just the thought of hitting night classes and burning the midnight oil exhausts me. I realize that many people go back at my age...but? I think my day is over for attaining my Master's and changing gears in my career. Again.

Yesterday one of my previous students who is now married with a couple of kids (how does that happen??) posted on Facebook about how I used to have a mailbox in my classroom entitled "V-Mail." I had totally forgotten about that. It was a way for students to voice concerns, ask questions, or submit writings for me to read and give feedback. Anyway, that post generated comments from previous students and memories of the good ole teaching days and my reality that those days are gone. But teaching? It created greatness in my life. Teaching touched lives and made a difference.

My current job isn't about greatness. Not really. It's a great job--I am absolutely not complaining. I am always happy to go to work, to see my people in the office who have become a part of me, to literally have almost zero stress in the workplace. That, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

But I miss the feeling of greatness, of making a difference in the world.

And so, somedays I wonder, what can I do? How can I matter?

And it in those moments I have to stop myself and remember:

Life isn't about being great.

Life is about living greatly:

Soaking in the sunsets
Laughing on the beach
Lunch with a precious, precious friend
Deep conversations with family
Achieving another notch on the bucket list
Tossing the ball for the dog
A warm and happy home
Long walks down Holcombe Cove Road
Giving when you don't have to
Being authentic, even when it hurts