Imperfectly Perfect

Last night I took a bath--a long hot bath with lots of bubbles.

I love baths. It is in those quiet moments of reflection when it is only me and bubbles and water up to my neck that the light comes in. Some of my greatest truths present themselves and I am able to leave the bathroom a bit more settled in my heart than I entered.

And so, last night as I soaked for a bit, I thought about how life has come full circle, and I thought about how all of my posts appear like life is just perfect.

And of course...nothing is ever perfect.

I despise that actually--the appearance of perfection, making others feel inferior in comparison. One time this past spring when Jace was in soccer, I got to know one of the other moms and I just really liked her. Her name was Tami and she had two older kids--very similar to me. One time when we were talking she told me how both of her older kids struggled. Her son was on the streets and her daughter had just moved with her boyfriend to Colorado because marijuana was legal. And then she asked me about my older kids. I felt embarrassed reporting on mine in comparison. Her heart was torn as she wrestled with self-blame for her children's struggles. And so, as I briefly told her about my own adult children, who appeared so successful in comparison, I assured her that they are all just kids, finding their way. That the outside appearance may look good, but when it comes to our hearts, we are all just people doing the best we can.

Recently I ran into a mom of kids that we actually taught several years ago. This mom and her husband had an air of perfection that they groomed in a carefully guarded manner. I haven't seen these two people in well over 15 years and so much has happened to their kids since we taught them. One is in prison for life and the other is experiencing some major struggles. Their air of perfection is broken and as I spoke with this mom, her guard down, we connected in a very real way about the pain of life and yet, it's joys in the midst of heartache.

Recently I read a book that talked about how we don't connect with people when we share our successes and our joys nearly so much as when we share our pain and our struggles. And that hit me with its truth. We all like to know that we aren't in this alone, that when others go home at the end of the day, they don't necessarily always go home to light and laughter and dazzling sunshine. Struggles define us and struggles keep us connected at their very core.

Last night I participated in one of those Facebook "games" that tells you who you are at your core based on posts and such. I play those games all of the time but very rarely post them because they seem to be a "beg" for a compliment. But this particular game--or whatever it is called--seemed to be spot-on as the message that it claimed I stand for is experiencing life in all of the good and in all of the bad. And I was impressed. Because truly, that is what I want to do--that is what I strive for--to truly live life each day, whether life is good or life is painful. Because I believe that the only way to get to true happiness is to experience true sorrow when painful experiences come our way. And so, I posted it. I thought it would be a way to share with others so that they, too, could participate and see what core message they give out to the Facebook world. However, a friend of mine commented and said, "Go Vonda!" And I realized that the message I was putting out into the world is that I am "all that and a box of chocolates." And so, I immediately took down the post.

Life is never perfect. But I believe life is beautiful and tragic and painful and joy-filled--and sometimes all of that in one day. We are all doing the best that we can and sometimes our best may not be what others perceive our best should be.

But? What others think is really none of our business.

What is important is that we make each day count, that we live our best life, that we watch sunsets, we laugh with friends, we celebrate people, we cry when our hearts are hurting, we create traditions, we eat good food, we strive for balance...

...that we are authentic.

...that we are part of the greater good.

...that we do the best we can, one day at a time...

...imperfectly perfect.