Day 7: Fabulous Fridays

I love Fridays. It is absolutely my favorite day of the workweek. Everyone seems a little lighter; happier. And it is an easy day for me. I only teach one forty minute class and then the remainder of the day is all mine. Delightful.

But today? That moment that I wait for in all of my classes happened: we clicked. It's like suddenly everyone gets me and I get them. They know my expectations and they know the boundaries. And I know them--like them. It all comes together and we're ready to fly. It's exciting. And truly--it's what makes me love teaching.

Secondly we (Roy, Jace me) went to Barnes & Noble. How I love that store. It's a slice of heaven. I could spend hours there--days even. I never tire of looking at all of the books, the journals. But mostly the books. So many titles pique my interest. And even Jace has discovered the beauty of B&N. Of course, he wants to buy everything he sees...or rather, he wants me to buy it. But nonetheless, it was so much fun and it brought me all kinds of joy.

And thirdly? I cooked this evening and am all ready for lunch tomorrow. Back in the day, I faithfully prepared my Sabbath meal on Fridays; but for the past couple of years, I am more likely to come home from church and throw haystacks together or spaghetti. But Savana came home and wanted stuffed shells. And naturally she has friends that she wants to come over. And then Roy suggested that we invite some friends as well and...rather than being stressed tomorrow morning...I decided to cook this evening. So I put on Pandora, listened to Christian music, and prepared the shells and the garlic bread. For a moment I considered being irritated that the girls weren't around to help me but then I decided I didn't want to ruin my happy mood and I quickly reovered. So now here I am--all ready for tomorrow. So in the morning I can get up, drink some Chai, and have some quiet time before the day begins. Ahhh....bliss.

“Now may every living thing, young or old,

weak or strong, living near or far, known or

unknown, living or departed or yet unborn,

may every living thing be full of bliss.” 

― Anonymous, The Dhammapada

Day 6: Connecting in the Smokies October 25, 2012

I teach ESL this year and I have 5 students--2 girls, 3 boys. All of them are from Korea so they have a deep sense of respect (well, for the most part. One of them is rather Americanized...) But anyway, one of the boys--whose name is Ricky--is one of those kids that just touches my heart...every. single. day.  I'm not sure what it is about this kid but he gets to me--in a good way. He is so sweet. He smiles with complete sincerity. He is genuine and tries hard and he's quirky and wears skinny jeans of all sorts of colors. I work with these kids with their writing skills and their reading skills.  For reading, we read these passages and then answer critical thinking questions that are rather complicated. In the beginning, all of the students failed these quizzes. But now they are getting much better. In fact, this last time, four of my students only missed two out of nine questions. But not Ricky. He actually only got three right. But in typical Ricky-fashion, he just grinned, congratulated everybody around him, and shook his head at himself.

I could just squeeze him.

And I saw Ricky again today. I only teach ESL twice a week. But anyway, today the girls are gone and so I only had the three boys in class. And there was Ricky--all smiles and telling me how happy he was to see me, to be in class as it breaks the boredom of his long afternoon. And, as always, it gave me joy. Because Ricky is just one of those kids that is different--in a good way. But most of all, he makes me remember why I love teaching.

Another moment of joy happened this morning. Even though I only live a few blocks from the elementary school (which is also on our campus), I drive Jace to school. It's sheer laziness but...I'm on year three so I'm over feeling guilty about it. :)  So anyway, as Jace and I were making the short drive to school, he was recounting a story of how I reacted to something he said or did (I can't remember exactly what it was), and he screamed this shrill, woman-like scream in a fake high squeal: AAAHHHHH!!!! So I said, "So that's how I reacted? That's what I did?" He shook his head in dismay, pierced his lips together, and then said, "Oh Mom. You have no idea the things I put up with." And then he gave me that ornery little grin, threw a "Love you, Mom" my direction, and closed the door as he headed off to school.

I laughed the whole way home.

I had many good moments throughout my day actually. Several times I tried to stop, take a deep breath, and find that 'center.' But the one that stands out the most happened this evening. Every Thursday a small group of women meet at a friend's house to discuss a book entitled 'Unglued.' It's such fun and I always look forward to it. But this week the woman who hosts the group is sick so she asked if I would open my home. So there we were, in the living room, discussing how or why we come 'unglued' and sharing those common experiences we all have--no matter who we are or where we come from. And I couldn't help but just stop for a moment, look around at these women whom I call my friends, and recognize how truly blessed I am. Because of all the places in the world that I could be...I am here, in this little suburb nestled in the Smoky Mountains, in a place that I call home, surrounded by women who allow me to be real for just an hour each week.

And that is absolutely something to be joyful about.

Day 5: Swings and Lists and Bits of Bliss October 24, 2012

I noticed today that I'm becoming much more purposeful at finding these moments of joy. I like that. I like that these few minutes scattered throughout my day sandwich life and stress and normalcies.

So today I took some time read outside on the swing. Every morning when I get up I actively determine that I'm going to create joy in my life. And then I try to visualize exactly how I'm going to do that. And every day I imagine taking my Nook and heading out to the swing to read--for just a bit. But every day passes and it never happens. But today? It did. It was chilly outside; however, the sun blared down on the swing and, as I sat there, enjoying the breeze, it put me to sleep. And so I went inside, took the stairs up to the mancave, and crawled onto the couch. Aww...blissful sleep. The house was quiet--just me, my dog, and the ticking of the clock. Not exactly how I envisioned my moments of reading on the swing, but...it was perfect.

Secondly, I decided to create a list of 100 things that bring me joy. I ended up spending quite a bit of time on the internet searching for websites or blogs from others of how they get joy. It was so much fun! I found some cool sites, signed up for a newsletter from Little Buddha that gives tips for creating simplicity in one's life, and stole ideas, created ideas, and wrote my list. It took me longer than expected, but? I loved it.

And last of all, Darian and I watched an episode of Parenthood together. Parenthood is one of those shows that is second to none. We live for new episodes of Parenthood! We've become so attached to the characters that we are both convinced that they are actual people. We cry with them; laugh with them; dream their dreams; experience their heartaches. That show is nothing short of perfection. And afterwards? We went for a walk. It was dark outside and chilly. So we threw on our hoodies and walked the parameter of campus. We talked about everything and nothing. We laughed. And for a few fleeting moments, we lived in the beauty of the moment.

It was ninety minutes of pure joy.

Day 4: The Center of My Universe

So...the highlight of my day? I got an email from Lauren Bongard Schwarz. Oh my. Love that girl. She is one of those people in my life who thinks, lives with purpose, is well-read, and expresses herself with ease. I taught her for four years but she has grown from my student to one of my favorite friends. Weird how that happens. But anyway, I wrote her randomly the other day and she answered me today: a long, newsy, thoughtful email. I soaked it in, read every word, and then reread it after I was finished the first time. She absolutely brightened my world today.

Secondly, when I got home from my class this evening, I suddenly had the urge to go to Taco Bell. That used to be one of our favorite hang-outs, but it's a place we rarely visit these days. But for some reason, the idea crossed my mind about the time I saw Darian. Normally, we don't have the opportunity to go out for dinner as Roy has rec and Darian has...well--a million and one things. But for some random reason, Darian stated that she was free, starving, and Taco Bell sounded like perfection. So we went to the ad building where Roy was teaching and he too proclaimed that he could go. He had to do a little manipulating but...he managed. So, off we went. And? Gosh it was fun. So much fun. We had fun riding to Taco Bell. We had fun eating at Taco Bell. And we had fun riding home from Taco Bell. Laughter. Good food...Ok. Maybe not so much. But it definitely hit the spot. Friends (as we randomly ran into a couple of different people there that we know). And the four of us. Splendid.

And my third moment? We had a teachers' meeting tonight at 8:00 and I walked over. It was dark outside and since we live in the mountains and no lights are on this side of campus, it is REALLY dark. But just those few moments of walking from the house to the ad building were refreshing. They gave me a moment to stop. To look up at the big big sky and remember that it's just little me in a bit universe; a big world. That I really don't take up that much space. That my perspective, in the scheme of things, really isn't all that important. And yet? It's everything. Because it's all I have. And that reality--that little bit of centering of my universe? It brought me joy.

And it was good.

Day 3: Fleeting Moments (October 22, 2012)

So today I went back to work after Fall Break. It was good to be back actually--like those kids. And it's been an overall busy day.

So what brought me joy today? First of all, I would have to say I had to do a cycle regarding others' perceptions of my kids and this is my grind in: My kids are okay. It doesn't matter what others say; it doesn't matter what others think. I know in my heart of hearts who my kids are and, frankly, they are just fine. They are...okay. And that thought brought me joy. Sometimes it's easy to get bogged down by what other people think and to let those perceptions become my focus. But today I stopped that vicious cycle--if only for a moment. And that's a good thing.

Secondly, I spent some time talking to Laurie. Laurie and I are quite different actually--she's one of those people who is artsy and and quirky and fresh. I like her. A lot. She makes me laugh. She's cute and whimsical and real. I always enjoy time with her--whether she's showing me something regarding Alumni (as I now have her job) or helping me knit (as she started teaching me this last winter). This evening I was walking home from the track and she was headed to a board meeting. She stopped and chatted for a few minutes and, as always, it was a good time. It made my step a little lighter and my outlook a little brighter.

And thirdly, Jace came home from school and sat on my lap. He's been that way lately--crawls up into my lap and chats about his day. It's so sweet, and I know these days are fleeting. So for now, I will relish them--soak up every minute. And after he'd been sitting there for awhile, he looked up at me and said, "Mom? You know what? You're my favorite person in the whole wide world." Even writing this brings me joy. So much joy.

I hope he always fills that way.

October 21, 2012: Day 2

Today has been ... well ... a day. I wish I could say it was joy-filled and relaxing but...it was anything but those things. But since I don't want to focus on the negative, I will refrain from recounting the miseries of the day. Instead, I will try to focus on those few miniscule moments of ... joy. To be honest, I had to try my hardest to eek out some joy but I managed. It was fleeting at best...but it was there.

The first time was this afternoon at APCS Fall Fest. I was manning the donut booth where I string up a donut and the 'contestants' eat it with no hands. It's a rather comical setup with sporadical moments of popularity. Towards the latter part of my two hour shift, this little girl and her sister came up. They were about 3 and 5 years old--so doggone cute. They both looked at me with pure innocence and asked if they each asked if they could have a donut. Their mom (or grandma??) encouraged them to give me their two tickets for which, of course, I would exchange a donut. Their chubby little hands reached into the box and pointed to the donut that they wanted. So so cute. And then they looked up at me with those big eyes and said thank you. I melted. My joy was two-fold: I just love little kids--their innocence and sweetness. And these two little girls were simply precious. But secondly, it reminded me of my own little girls at that age. How I miss those days. Just thinking about it makes me smile.

The second time is when we were driving from Sports Authority where we bought shoes for Roy to Walmart this evening. It was rather tense in the car for a variety of reasons and we were stopped at a light in the middle of Asheville. I looked to my right and there--nestled on the side of a major thoroughfare was a peaceful river. It was quietly doing its business--the water lazily rolling along as trees hovered over each side. The sun was beginning to go down so shadows were cast on the water and it glistened. I just sat there, looking out the car window and for just a few moments the whirling thoughts ceased as I solely focused on that little river in the midst of a city. For a few moments it brought me joy.

And then tonight Jace asked if I would play a game with him. Roy had settled into his mancave for the night and Darian proclaimed herself too busy with homework as she has a project due tomorrow so I said, "Sure, Jace. Bring the game in here and I'll play with you." Naturally he chose Angry Birds--one of those games that has to be constructed and you try to destroy the construction by hurtling birds at it from a slingshot and knock over the pigs that are haphazardly placed on the construction. Anyway, since it's been "one of those days", I coerced Roy to come down and play (not an easy task). And then we were having so much fun constructing and destroying, that Darian stopped studying long enough to come in and see what all the commotion was about. Wen she saw the game, she determined that she wanted to play too so...she gave it a go. It was a nice ending to a rather stressful day: laughter. And? It brought me joy.

Day 1: October 20, 2012

My goal? To blog about 365 days of how I am creating joy in my life. Welcome to Day 1. Let the journey begin.

So today I had company–real live people–over for lunch: Tina & Al Williams, Guerin (for Savana) and Rachel (for Darian). I cooked…a lot: cucumber & onion salad, cottage cheese loaf, garlic mashed red potatoes, brown gravy, hot rolls, corn on the cob, sparkling grape juice, lemon merengue pie, and pumpkin pie with whipped cream. But best of all? Laughter. Conversation. It brought me lots of joy.

Secondly? I stopped and listened to Jace–really listened to him. Jace loves to draw cartoons, create stories, live in his own imaginary world. And then? He loves to read it to me. Now I recognize that sounds fun. I mean really–what mom wouldn’t want to hear their child’s imaginations? The problem is, however, that as he develops the story–one square at a time–he likes to read it to me: from the beginning…over and over and over again. So the first time it is hilarious, witty. The second time…it’s still clever. But by the third time? Enough already! But this evening I put down my Nook and listened as he read me his story from start to finish. And I listened as though I was hearing it for the first time. I laughed–and watched him revel in the attention. And honestly? It brought me joy. Lots of it.

And last of all? Oh my…what to choose. Watching the fish in my fishtank? (I love the peacefulness–always have). Getting in my jammies at 7:00 with an entire evening before me? Pure bliss. Or simply watching my oldest daughter standing with her boyfriend whom she absolutely adores–a look of pure joy on HER face. I’m not sure which one of these experiences gave me the MOST joy. All I know is…it was a pretty darned good day.